I have a secret to tell. If you know me – err, think you know me – it just might surprise you. I really don’t care what you think; it honestly doesn’t matter one way or the other. That said, it is high time I come clean.
Surprised? Maybe; maybe not. I’ve been pretty good at concealing things for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, my lies are so skillfully crafted and believable that I can convince even the most clairvoyant of folks that it is truth.
My lies aren’t the kind of lies that are constructed to hurt others, but I suspect admitting it will bring pain to those I love deepest. Truth be told, I’ve never lied to intentionally hurt anyone. No, my lies were all about sparing those I care for most from the harsh reality of life.
Those big, fat lies are many:
I lie when the actions of others have hurt me, pretending I’m ok. Just for the record, my heart is broken in a million fragile shards and it is taking forever to cobble back together.
I lie when I pretend the falsehoods others accept are my truths really do not make me feel helpless and small. They do.
I lie by erecting thick walls of indifference – the same walls some chose to call arrogance – because I know no other way to shield the pain in my heart.
I lie when I put on a mask of control and shield myself with busyness. It helps me hide the chaos of hurt and my urge to fall apart and cry. But I don’t, because I know others are are too consumed with their own tears to wipe mine.
Lies are what others are most comfortable with. They keep it easy. They lend an convenient excuse for others’ to continue their own selfish ways.
Truth be told, I’m making it easy for others to walk away, instead of holding them accountable for their own truths. And I’m no longer certain that’s the right thing to do.
From now on, when you ask if I’m ok, my answer may not be what you want to hear. But it will be the truth. And if you can’t handle it, that’s ok. You have my blessing and forgiveness to keep walking. My life has become emptier, but more honest, without you in it.
Outrageous living sometimes detours down a lonely, bumpy path. Thankfully, those twists and turns do lead us to a life of full, vulnerable and abundantly blessed living. A life I choose to wholly embrace.
And that’s the naked truth.